I am Jack's crappy blog

I have a bone to pick with idiots. I have been meaning to post this for some time now and I am finally getting around to it. I am trying to sell one of my four vehicles that I currently own and I have it listed on ksl. So I get texts for it every now and then and this one was especially good. And by good I mean retarded. I am sorry for the politically incorrect term but I initially thought this guy was a twelve year old girl. But when I found out he wasn't this was the only other logical explanation I could think of. He's got some serious mental issues. So anyway here's the conversation. His are in red.

2:47pm- D u still have the subaru? (ps this will be verbatim and pps does it really take a ton more time to write do you?)

10:45am- I do. Would you like to come take a look at it

11:00am- Do you have the subaru ?

Yes

I thought you sold it?

It turned out he didnt have the money

Oh i'm busy now but i'll text you in a little bit.

Ok

2:01pm- Hey where u at in orem

Kinda by Harmons on 8th north

I'm kinda busy till about 4 though

Oh well maybe tonight then cause i had sometime now d u go to uvu (I guess it does save time)

I did

Oh by chance u know or u know at what time is the devotional today (Why sure, let me look that up for you. Anything else I can do for you today?)

I would imagine probably like 7

Ussualy where at ?

I'm not sure

Can u find out please i alredy try to calling but no one answer (it was sunday)

I don't have internet right now sorry (that's a lie, I have an iPhone)

Do you know anyone you can ask

2:37pm-No sorry

4:14pm-Thanks do you have time to show it this afternoon

Yes I'm free right now till about 530

4:39pm-How about around 7 (what part of till 530 don't you understand?)

I can't till about 830. Sorry

Well tomorrow then

Ok. I work till about 8

5:12pm- Can it be before dark? (I guess it was the "till" he didn't understand)

I WORK TILL 8

Two days later, 9:25pm- Hey u still have it

I do. Do you want to take a look at it?

Yep but during the day let me know if works tomorrow befo8re

Yes. Anytime before 3

Next day, 3:45pm- Are u available in a couple of hours?

4:07pm- At about 7ish

5:52pm- Hey so is it A clean title and have no problems?

Yeah it's clean and everything runs great

k 7 it is then! my phone is dying so i might call you a little after 7

Ok

6:42pm- Golden corral at 7ish (yes sir)

You can't come to my house?

Nop id have time

Well then I might be a little later then 7. I'm still at work

Ok but hurry we need to see still with day light

Ok. But are you most likely going to buy it?

Yep there is good chances i think

Ok I'll bring the title and everything

7:12pm- Where are u

I just got off work sorry. I'm coming

Are u going to be here soon or are u waisting my time?

7:30pm- I'll be there. It's getting dark though. Do you still want to

Yes come

Ok

Two phone calls, one of which I answered and he said " What the heck? Are you coming or not?"
To which I replied, "Chill dude, I'm driving."

7:35pm- Where to heck are you?

I'm still driving

Are you still there

Yes

Sorry

How long until u get h ere

I'm just pulling up

I'm here

Dude I'm leaving

If you want it I'm not gonna bend over backwards for you. You can come to me

And next time don't be such a douche

I really wonder about us as a civilization sometimes and I am afraid for my kids.

Well, to date this has been by far the most expensive and time consuming goal worked on. Naively, I did not expect this when I signed up in January. I thought I would just borrow a bike from Wilson, keep running like I was doing every once in a while, and swim a couple times a week in a local apartment pool to train. I found out quickly that I was so wrong. I signed up on January 19, 2011 for the Ironman Louisville. I began researching training plans online and settled on a 20-week program from beginnertriathlete.com. You will notice that this is the first hit in a Google search for “free Ironman training plan”. I was going for cheap here. After all I was a beginner triathlete and this was my first triathlon and also my first time competing in any type of race since I ran a charity 5k in the seventh grade. I started riding indoors in February with Matt Wilson and of course learned all about heart rate zones and other nonsense I really didn’t care about. My official training began in April and I decided to take a swim lesson from the rec center. That helped quite a bit and I found out I was way off on my concept of swimming efficiently. I guess the best thing I could do now is to list off an expense and time report just to see exactly how much training I went through to get this far.

Ironman Entrance Fee- $614.00

Swim Lesson- $30.00

2 months of gym membership- $60.00

Swim Suits- $45.00

Goggles/Swim Cap/Nose Clip/etc.- $37.00

Nutritional Supplements (not including gels, etc.)- $40.00

Biking Clothing (tri suits, shorts, etc.) (this does not include the stuff I stole from Matt)- $265.00

New tires- $70.00

Flat kit and countless tubes I went through- $60.00

Running socks- $24.00

Two pairs of running shoes- $160.00

Garmin GPS Watch- $120.00

22 8-packs of Gatorade- $65.00

Energy Gel- $55.00

Salt pills- $10.00

Gas to get to Louisville- $400.00

Hotel in Louisville- $70.00

(Bike, helmet, shoes,etc., borrowed from Matt)- $3000.00

Total- $5125.00

This trip had been all about cutting it close. I got an email a couple days before the race from the producer of the Ironman live TV show saying that he wanted to interview me and that I was like one of twenty people that he chose because he liked what I put on my application. I don’t even really remember filling it out because it was like one in the morning. So we had to adjust our leaving plans. I had planned to get there Saturday so I booked a hotel for Saturday night. Which was fine except we had to be there Friday. So we drove all Thursday night in order to make my interview at 2:00. But we ran into a whole bunch of closed roads due to the Missouri river flooding. This caused way more anxiety than I wanted before an all day race. So due to some really fast driving the last three hours we made it into Louisville and I ran to the hotel where it was being done. He was on the last one when I showed up. He was glad to see me because he especially wanted to ask me a few questions and put me on the live feed. We talked for a little bit about my bucket list and why Ironman and then I recorded some short clips for commercial breaks and such. And that was that. Then I met up with Trevor and Cristen and I checked in, which was all a blur cause they just pointed me to the next tables I needed to go to and quickly explained the waivers I had to sign saying I wouldn’t sue if I died or something. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, on to the solution of being in Louisville with no place to spend the night. We planned on staying on the church lawn but the branch president put his foot down on that one. I didn’t see what the problem was but oh well. While I was at the welcome dinner and mandatory athlete meeting that night, Trevor found us a place to stay at the mission president’s home. I felt really kind of alone at the meeting and knew that was probably how Sunday was going to turn out. Well enough about the boring stuff; I’ll get to the race. I woke up at 4:00 in the morning, showered, and had as much of a bagel as I could stomach. I mixed up some energy drink and downed a whole Gatorade and a 5-hour energy. I was ready to go. I went and visited my bike one last time to put my bottles on and pump up my tires. As I was pumping up the rear the valve stem came out with a loud pop and I thought oh this is off to a great start. Luckily it didn’t shoot out and it was just in the cap. So I was off to the start where I got my number and age markered on my arms and legs. I thought we got there pretty early since it opened at 5 and it was like 5:15 but we were like 1500^th in line. I decided that didn’t matter since I wasn’t really in danger of not making the 2 hour 20 minute swim cutoff time. At 6:50 the cannon went off and the official race time started as the pros entered the water. At 7:00 the pushers started throwing people off the dock and I was in the water by like 7:10. As always, I thought I was going to drown during the first 300 meters or so but that was normal for me before settling into race pace. As I swam it just felt like I was going so slow but I would look behind me every once in a while and there were still people behind me so I was good. As I rounded the island I made the mistake of trying to clear my goggles of fog and didn’t get a very tight seal and started to leak water. One more stop fixed that problem and I was ready to bang out that last 1000 meters. Except that it felt like I was swimming through concrete. My shoulders and triceps were on fire, but as I swam under the last bridge I could see the thousands of people cheering us into transition and I caught my second wind. The volunteers grabbed me and I was just so happy I wasn’t at the bottom of the Ohio River. I ran to the changing tent, which was just a bunch of naked guys on folding chairs. No one was really talking so I tried to lighten the mood by asking a couple people how the water was. Nobody thought I was funny. So I put on my shoes and helmet, turned on my watch and ran out the door to my bike. I grabbed it and clipped in at the road and I was off. My shoulders were still a little tight when I went down into aero position and I realized I should have taken the time to stretch a little bit. The first 12 miles were flat and my plan was to take the first 40 or so easy so I would be fresh for the run. I was feeling confident on the bike because I had spent the most time training on it and I could cruise at a speed that would let me finish at around six hours. As I hit mile three, my foot came unclipped from the pedal, which is weird because it usually takes a hard twisting force, like a crash, to come out. When I looked down I stared in unbelief as I saw the whole left side of my crank attached to my shoe. I thought there is no way this could be happening. I got off and see if I had the tools to fix it but the bolt had fallen out and was who knows where. So after some bad words, I realized that the next aid station was three miles away and it was my best shot to find a bike tech. I put the right side in as far as it would go and started pedal with one pedal as hundreds and hundreds of bikers passed me saying “that sucks”. You think? I had to stop every couple hundred feet to put the chain back on because my pedal stroke pulled out the crank making it fall off. But I finally made it to the aid station and yelled for a tech but there wasn’t one there. They got on the radio and asked for a tech that had an extra bolt but the nearest one was about half hour away. As I sat down still in unbelief, knowing deep down that I probably wasn’t going to finish, a kid said, “You can’t just ride with one pedal?” I know he was just trying to be funny but I wanted to punch him in the face. Instead I said nothing. That half hour turned into two as the tech finally showed up on the scooter. I jumped up and asked if she had a bolt. She looked through the bag and luckily had one that fit. I thanked her deeply and I was on my way again. As I was riding out the 30 miles to do my two 30 mile loops and a ten mile out and back before heading back to transition, I saw the pros coming back into town and thought wow, this is embarrassing. Yeah, they are that fast. I knew the course really well and according to the reviews I knew exactly what I was up against. Rolling hills. I just would like to say that they were rolling but they definitely favored the uphill part a little more. I knew I had to start on lap two by 2:30 so I was pushing myself to make the deadline. So much for taking it easy on the first 40 miles. My nutrition plan was also failing because I left my watch running at the first aid station so I knew what my total time was which meant I had to do a lot more math and averaging than I was capable of at the moment. I had also mentally checked out as I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and it was really hard to get back on the bike after that happened. I can’t even say how many times I went back and forth on quitting or not. I knew it would be embarrassing to go back without even trying so I pushed harder. Which also threw off my nutrition plan. As I rode through the town of LaGrange, through the Ironman festival, the thousands of cheering fans and supporters, I looked for Trevor and Cristen. I rode though so fast I didn’t even get a chance to see them. That also took a toll on me mentally. At about mile 45 I started to cry and I didn’t even know why. I was frustrated and tired but I knew that if I kept crying I would lose much needed fluid and I needed all that I could keep in. I pushed up the steepest part fairly easily and stopped at an aid station at about mile 57. I said I was still on the first lap and he said I still had an hour to go the 4 miles. I had this no problem. Except I had to do all those hills again. And my legs were starting to turn to jello. And I had no idea how fast I was averaging since my watch took into account the two hours I was stopped. So I watched it creep up from 6 past 10 to 12.5 average I had to do more math every few minutes to find out my average speed. I asked the guy what time the final cutoff for the bike was and he thought it was 5:30. I quickly did the math and realized I had to go about 60 miles in about 3 hours. That was way faster than I was capable of but I set off to do my second lap again. As I turned left to go through LaGrange again the roads were like a ghost town. There were no screaming fans, no loud speakers, everyone had cleaned up and gone inside or back to Louisville to cheer on their athlete. I saw Trevor and Cristen and I explained what happened and that I didn’t think I was gonna make the final cutoff. Once again, the decision to quit bounced around in my head a few times. It helped to see them though. I pushed on and passed a biker every now and then. I rode with a guy for a few miles when I happened to ask if he knew when the final cutoff for the bike was. He said 6:20, we have plenty of time, don’t worry about it. So here I was, pushing harder to keep a 20 mph average when I still had an extra hour to finish. More wasted, more dizzy, and more determined to at least start the run. As I turned to start the final 30 miles or so back into town, I was happy that it was mostly downhill. There hills every once in a while but not like the ones on the out and back or the loops. I coasted at about 30 down them, which was a little scary because I was down on the handlebars and dizzy so I stabilized with my knees and didn’t pedal. On the hills the bike would have trouble shifting and dropped the chain every couple of miles or so. More time wasted. I reached the 100-mile sign and screamed. It was flat from here all the way in. I saw Cristen and Trevor right before the timing mats and I yelled, ”I need Wendy’s. I’m being serious. Come find me at the start of the run.” I was so hungry and my stomach couldn’t handle any more gel. I walked into the changing tent once again and I was super happy. I made it with 40 minutes to go. I knew I could just about walk a six-hour marathon. I threw on my shoes, grabbed a coke, and was once again out in the hot sun. I started out walking the first mile like my original plan and I told Trev to find me a hamburger or a bean burrito or something solid. I got to the 2^nd St Bridge to run to Indiana and back and was feeling strong. My revised plan was to run at about a 12-minute mile as much as I could and then walk for a minute till I couldn’t do that anymore. My legs felt great but my stomach was getting worse and worse. I knew it was going to be a problem later on. At about mile 6 my watch gave up and died. Great, more math. Every mile checkpoint I asked what time it was to figure out my average. I could do 15-minute miles, which is a fast walk and could make it by about 11:40, the cutoff to finish being midnight. I was so happy I was going to finish and I felt great other than crying every other mile. I don’t even know why because I was fine. At about mile 10 I was getting worse and I could no longer run which was my buffer zone for time. It was then time to walk. The worst part was I was walking with everyone who was on their second lap and was about to make the turn to head to the finish line. People kept yelling words of encouragement to me. “Just 3 more miles. You can do it! Finish strong.” I still had another lap to go. I didn’t say anything. At mile 12 my arms and legs went numb. It felt like I was suffocating. My stomach was cramping and I was dizzy. I asked what time it was at the aid station and figured out I had dropped down to a 17-minute mile. At that point I knew I was not going to make it. I also forgot to get food and water at that aid station. I continued on to mile 13 where I knew Cristen and Trevor would be waiting and I could tell them I was calling it. Just before the 13-mile mark I must have looked pretty horrible because I was all over the road and a lady asked if I was feeling alright. I said yeah and about 30 seconds later a cop came up to me and said I needed to sit down. The lady grabbed me some water and I got it down. He then called me a medical truck to take me to the medical tent and I said I was done. I threw up a couple times out the window as soon as we started going. It was the most horrible stomach pain I have ever experienced but I felt a lot better afterward. I was happy with my effort. As I sat on a cot with an IV in, getting injected with stuff for nausea, I realized that I would have to do this all over again someday and that is what upset me the most. That and it was kind of embarrassing to be a featured athlete and then not finish, but I don’t care anymore. I’m not mad or even disappointed. I set goals for myself and I met every single one of them except for finishing and I tried to reach it until I collapsed. Part of the reason this was on my bucket list was to see exactly what limits I could push my body to. I did exactly that. I know now that I can take exactly 13 hours, 47 minutes, and 44 seconds of extreme physical, mental, and emotional activity.

Training Hours

Week	Swim	Bike	Run	Total
1	1.7	3.3	3.0	8
2	2.2	3.8	3.0	9
3	2.2	4.5	3.3	10
4	1.7	3.3	3.0	8
5	2.5	6.2	3.3	12
6	3.5	6.5	4.0	14
7	4.0	7.5	4.5	16
8	1.8	4.0	2.7	8.5
9	6.3	3.0	1.7	11
10	2.3	3.5	6.7	12.5
11	1.5	11.0	1.5	14
12	2.0	4.0	2.5	8.5
13	2.8	7.0	3.7	13.5
14	3.0	7.5	5.0	15.5
15	3.8	8.0	5.2	17
16	3.0	9.5	5.5	18
17	2.0	4.8	3.2	10
18	1.5	8.5	3.0	13
19	1.3	5.5	2.2	9
20	1.3	2.2	1.5	5
Total	50.4	113.6	68.5	232.5