The first snowfall of the year...

Always brings two emotions.

1- Excitement. Whenever I see the first snow of the year I could pee my pants (but that's not what inspired this post today).

2- Hatred towards my fellow man. I don't understand what it is about snow that makes people drive like complete.. (I think the politically correct term is) Asians. And yes that is meant to be derrogatory. I'm sorry but if the roads have pretty much been plowed, I'm pretty sure it's ok to go faster than 20, especially when the speed limit is 50. How long have you lived in Utah? I would guess more than a year due to your Utah plates but then again, you know the saying... the problem with speculation is you make a speck out of you and some guy named lation.. or something like that. I have many more things to say about these great drivers but my mother reads this blog. So if you would like to hear more, just give me a call and I will specify how I really feel. Thank you for your time

Yearbook Highlights

7th Grade

-"Wuz up Jordan? -Robbie Q."
- "Gluch, Keep it clean and in the pants. -Ben"
- "Careful with the cold water. You don't want too much shrinkage. -Dan R."
- "Have a fun gay summer with your gay friends. Ha Ha Ha Numbskull"

8th Grade

- "You suck. I probably will not ever see you again -Matt W."
- "Jordan- Have a great summer! Stay away from my house! -Laura"
- "Jordan You're a brat! You're hot though! heart/ Sarah R."
- "Bow down to Satan!!! j/k stay cool -Sean"

9th Grade

- "hey dude! you're way awesome and weird, but that's alright! call me -Kelse M.
- "Jordan Go get them tiger Peace Love Rock N Roll all of the good thing just remember to relax love Dave"
- "let's mate -anonymous"

11th Grade

- "I spend a long time wondering whether you were a jerk or just being funny. I still can't really tell. - Mary"
- "Jordan, Hell ya bitch ass - anonymous"

12th Grade

- " Glue j/k, You're so dang cool!! Have a nice summer! You have cool hair! Mary W."
- "Glutch we should kiss :) -Zack"

Prescription Drug Safety

Well, after many biology and physiology courses, I have come to realize that the human body is amazing. There are so many things our bodies can do, but when they can't, that's where drugs help to fill the void. Drugs can be very useful, although sometimes dangerous, so I've put together a few safety tips to keep in mind before your next visit to the pharmacy.

• Prescription drugs should be kept far out of reach of children, even if they cry, "Please, please, may I have my medicine?"


• Some people say you should not exceed the recommended dosage on the bottle. But, come on, it's medicine–it's good for you.


• If you take medication daily, a useful accessory is a seven-day pill case, which helps you keep track of your intake and serves as a depressing symbol of your mortality.


• Never mix prescription painkillers with alcohol, unless you like to party really, really hard.


• Most people don't realize how much pharmacists enjoy haggling over the price of medications.


• To reduce the risk of mix-ups at the pharmacy, bring a bat with a nail in it.


• Most pills should not be taken on an empty stomach. Sprinkle a handful onto a salad.


• If your pharmacist doesn't offer to have one with you right there in the store, it's probably been stepped on.


• If your doctor refuses to write you a prescription for fear of "lawsuits", and hasn't responded to threats, there's a TON of pharmacies just south of the border. It's cheaper there anyway.

Remember, drug abuse is no laughing matter. Except when it's somebody you don't know.

Women can do anything men can do...

...except math, chess, running,


jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things,

making money, hockey, surfing,


driving, making decisions, being tall,

taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose),

reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country,

inventing anything important,

or being fun to hang out with.




Don't get me wrong, I love women. I just think they should drink from a separate water fountain. Actually, women may be even better than men. But we'll never really know since they are always


swinging at bigger balls, hitting from closer tees, doing pushups from their knees,



taking half the beatles money, hos please.

You know you've been at BYU too long...

...when all you look at anymore is left hands. I look at the left hand even before glancing at the face(which is very unusual for me because I'm very shallow). I guess what I'm getting at is this- This girl(9.5) came and sat next to me in class today and what I considered to be moderate flirting took place. Halfway through the conversation I glanced down and to my sorrow there it was, diamond encrusted lies. So basically my take-home message is this: "Dammit! You got what you came for, you don't need to be in school anymore." BYU would be a lot better off without married females.

Who needs calculus?

Not me.. I'm done..
(P.S- this is the only math you will EVER need to know)

All Growed Up

For the very first time in my life I feel like an adult. I probably should have felt this way about 4 years ago when I left for Peru but let's be honest, it's me. I am writing this from Portland where I am currently looking at a dental I hope to get in to. When it hit me. I AM AN ADULT. Maybe it was the tour that got to me and I caught myself thinking, "This is where I will live and go to school for fours years by myself(unless that special someone comes along). And I can do that because Portland is an awesome city with one of the best burger places I've ever eaten at. I do have a list of things that Oregon in general can work on but I will cover that later. I think just being by myself this weekend made me realize this is for real. Pretty much my entire future depends on this. It's not a big deal. Anyway, I loved Portland, some of the best scenery I've ever seen, but as for my complaints, you guessed it my....

LIST OF GRIEVANCES

1. Why do you not want me pumping my own gas?

First, it makes me feel like a man to fill up a gas tank and change my own oil and manly things of that nature, and second it's just dumb. I mistakenly forgot this law as I pulled into a local gas station and jumped out to fill up my tank when the attendant came running over as if someone had just thrown a lit match in my direction. It possibly could have all been in slow motion too. So he took over and to make an already awkward situation even more awkward, I just stood there without saying a word looking at him. Ha ha, I love making people feel awkward. Speaking of laws I accidentally broke this weekend...

2. A 55 MPH SPEED LIMIT?!!!! ON THE FREEWAY?!!!! COME ON Oregon, you used to be cool, what happened to you man?

Yes, I used four exclamation points for each statement, because that's just how upset I am over this whole matter. You crazy freaking liberals. You're not gonna save any more trees by lowering the speed limit and thus reducing those tree murdering emissions. In fact just to show my disapproval, I'm going to go cut down 20 trees for no good reason, one for each mile per hour your speed limit should be and isn't. There ya go. Are you happy now? Innocent trees are dying because of you. I just might go pour some used motor oil all over some baby seals too. What's even more ridiculous is when they catch you doing 75 in a 55. Maybe Officer Felts' wife had just left him or maybe he just found out he had cancer because he was not happy to see me. Cheer up big guy. You can beat this. Unless you have pancreatic cancer then you have about 6 months. Good luck Officer Felts and thanks for being an a hole. You made my trip much more pleasant. Well, that pretty much sums it up for my list of grievances. Portland, you are awesome and I hope to see you in a year.

PS you might want to fire Officer Felts. He's really bringing down your image.
PSS Congratulations on no sales tax. I was quite surprised when my taco meal stayed under three dollars. Keep up the good work.

Another Day of Calculus

I really don't want to go...

She's just not that into you...

... if your name is Jordan. Unfortunately last night I was tricked into watching "He's just not that into you". Upon further inspection, and sadly enough, this movie pretty much sums up my entire dating career. (Right up to the title) The movie is as follows:

Girl goes out on a date with Guy
Guy says he'll call
Guy doesn't
Girl goes crazy/ stalks him, etc. etc.

I am still sticking to my nice guys finish last theory, which states "If you are a girl, you like to be treated like crap" Since this is a dating rule, there will be more on this another time. I don't know why they have this mentality, but they do. I've been trying to figure it out for years and yet I still try to be nice but it never really pays out for me. This movie is proof of that. I didn't really enjoy the movie that much because I am a man and i can't like sissy girl movies that explore our feelings but I did find it odd that they based this movie on my life. I don't even remember giving them permission to do that, those bastards. Shouldn't I be getting a royalty check or something? Well, all this has accomplished is two hours of wasted time and a 93% loss of hope so I am cashing in my chips and going off the market. Don't worry ladies, I will be back and I will treat you like crap on a future date to be announced. (Just not right now)

Today...

was a great day.

What did you expect mother? I'm half machine...

Why did I waste 22 years of my life not watching this show? That is the question of the day...

Calculus- A hate/hate relationship

As the days grow nearer to June 22, I regret waking up alive every morning. I can't even begin to tell you how much I don't want to go through this class again, and yet BYU has found another way to make me more and more suicidal. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, I already have plans to blow up the math building. I don't dread taking calculus. I dread taking calculus from BYU. All they focus on doing is failing as many people as they can while making themselves feel smarter than everyone they are failing. Think of the math department's self esteem as the variable Y. Now think of the failing rate in 113 as X. As X increases, so does Y. Therefore Y=X or possibly Y^2=X. Now throw in Jordan's frustration=Z as a dependent variable of X and Y. Y=X=Z^10. Now do you understand? If you don't, and the only thing you get from reading this is one thing is this: Whatever you do, DO NOT divide by zero. You'll find out why...

Rule #46- The Friend Zone

If there is something I can't stress enough it is stay away from the friend zone. Now you might come up to me and say "Jordan, what is this friend zone you speak of?" To which  I would reply, "Shut up, you know exactly what the friend zone is." And if you don't, you probably have no friends anyway so this doesn't concern you. Just press that next blog button right at the top of the screen there. So anyway, more on the friend zone. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You probably have one or two girls that you are with regularly, just "hanging out". These would be examples of girls in the friend zone. Now there's nothing wrong with having girls that are friends, just don't EVER plan on dating them. Once a girl enters the friend zone, she will never exit. It's sort of a chemical bond that occurs and the physics are just too complicated to explain. By saying those magic words "I think we should just be friends" or "You're like my best friend" or "Hey, why don't I just kick you in the junk and we can go back to being friends" or pretty much any variation on the three, what happens is that she pretty much wants nothing to do with you and she is too nice to put it that way. You sir, are screwed. You pretty much get my point. Well, I for one have had enough. You can pretty much consider this a legal document, a declaration if you will, that I, Jordan Gluch, hereby vow to never have another girl "friend" again. Maybe one day, big guy, maybe one day... Unless I can somehow flip it and put girls in that very same friend zone black hole I can't seem to escape. Hmm... I'll let you know how it works.

Eff me

I'm so sick of being treated like sh**. Maybe it's just me but I seem to have this personality that everyone treats me like I'm four years old, which in turn is magnified when people treat me like I'm four years old and therefore I act four years old. No one seems to take me seriously anymore, even when I have something that could be really life- changing to say. Maybe I just need new friends or something. I don't know but whatever it is, it kind of bugs me. It might be me. What do I know? I need to start over with the Vegas theory in mind. In Vegas, you can be whoever you want to be. On another note, I am writing an entire album that can be synched to Fight Club. Pink Floyd has inspired me for the better. Bravo Syd Barrett, bravo.

"Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop"

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, 

I wanna come too

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do

Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,

Now I'm shining too

Because. oh, I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know

If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

All of the while, all of the while it was you

I guess it's time to be creative..

So this has mostly been used to post some of my favorite pics but due to reasons beyond my control I had to sell my camera. I guess now I have to actually start writing stuff to express how I've been feeling. No one will probably ever read this since I have never even told anyone I have a blog, but on the off chance that someone does I would like to give some advice...

Rule #1 

Never under ANY circumstances kiss a girl without having some sort of feelings for her. Chances are she will find out and you'll feel like an A hole for a few months. 

Rule #2

Don't mistake little signs of affection for being in love with you. I say this and yet I still do this with every girl I meet. Recently, I've met a couple of different girls with which a certain degree of flirting has taken place. Basically long story short, I thought it was a lot more than that and I felt like an idiot when it turned out to be not more than that. As my mom once told me, "Don't put all your eggs into one basket." I wish I would have listened...

Rule#3

In fact, don't even try with girls. Now that I think about it, just wait until a girl shows interest in you and then decide if you have interest in her. By following this rule, I am saving you a whole bunch of time.. Trust me, you can't win.

Well, this is the first post of probably once a month till I find something better to do. I'll try to continue with some good advice whenever I come across it. Think of me as your dating crash test dummy.