Today...

was a great day.

What did you expect mother? I'm half machine...

Why did I waste 22 years of my life not watching this show? That is the question of the day...

Calculus- A hate/hate relationship

As the days grow nearer to June 22, I regret waking up alive every morning. I can't even begin to tell you how much I don't want to go through this class again, and yet BYU has found another way to make me more and more suicidal. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, I already have plans to blow up the math building. I don't dread taking calculus. I dread taking calculus from BYU. All they focus on doing is failing as many people as they can while making themselves feel smarter than everyone they are failing. Think of the math department's self esteem as the variable Y. Now think of the failing rate in 113 as X. As X increases, so does Y. Therefore Y=X or possibly Y^2=X. Now throw in Jordan's frustration=Z as a dependent variable of X and Y. Y=X=Z^10. Now do you understand? If you don't, and the only thing you get from reading this is one thing is this: Whatever you do, DO NOT divide by zero. You'll find out why...

Rule #46- The Friend Zone

If there is something I can't stress enough it is stay away from the friend zone. Now you might come up to me and say "Jordan, what is this friend zone you speak of?" To which  I would reply, "Shut up, you know exactly what the friend zone is." And if you don't, you probably have no friends anyway so this doesn't concern you. Just press that next blog button right at the top of the screen there. So anyway, more on the friend zone. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You probably have one or two girls that you are with regularly, just "hanging out". These would be examples of girls in the friend zone. Now there's nothing wrong with having girls that are friends, just don't EVER plan on dating them. Once a girl enters the friend zone, she will never exit. It's sort of a chemical bond that occurs and the physics are just too complicated to explain. By saying those magic words "I think we should just be friends" or "You're like my best friend" or "Hey, why don't I just kick you in the junk and we can go back to being friends" or pretty much any variation on the three, what happens is that she pretty much wants nothing to do with you and she is too nice to put it that way. You sir, are screwed. You pretty much get my point. Well, I for one have had enough. You can pretty much consider this a legal document, a declaration if you will, that I, Jordan Gluch, hereby vow to never have another girl "friend" again. Maybe one day, big guy, maybe one day... Unless I can somehow flip it and put girls in that very same friend zone black hole I can't seem to escape. Hmm... I'll let you know how it works.

Eff me

I'm so sick of being treated like sh**. Maybe it's just me but I seem to have this personality that everyone treats me like I'm four years old, which in turn is magnified when people treat me like I'm four years old and therefore I act four years old. No one seems to take me seriously anymore, even when I have something that could be really life- changing to say. Maybe I just need new friends or something. I don't know but whatever it is, it kind of bugs me. It might be me. What do I know? I need to start over with the Vegas theory in mind. In Vegas, you can be whoever you want to be. On another note, I am writing an entire album that can be synched to Fight Club. Pink Floyd has inspired me for the better. Bravo Syd Barrett, bravo.

"Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop"

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, 

I wanna come too

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do

Through all of the shadowy corners of me

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,

Now I'm shining too

Because. oh, I've fallen quite hard over you

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know

If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was

About this old coffee shop I love so much

All of the while I never knew

All of the while, all of the while it was you

I guess it's time to be creative..

So this has mostly been used to post some of my favorite pics but due to reasons beyond my control I had to sell my camera. I guess now I have to actually start writing stuff to express how I've been feeling. No one will probably ever read this since I have never even told anyone I have a blog, but on the off chance that someone does I would like to give some advice...

Rule #1 

Never under ANY circumstances kiss a girl without having some sort of feelings for her. Chances are she will find out and you'll feel like an A hole for a few months. 

Rule #2

Don't mistake little signs of affection for being in love with you. I say this and yet I still do this with every girl I meet. Recently, I've met a couple of different girls with which a certain degree of flirting has taken place. Basically long story short, I thought it was a lot more than that and I felt like an idiot when it turned out to be not more than that. As my mom once told me, "Don't put all your eggs into one basket." I wish I would have listened...

Rule#3

In fact, don't even try with girls. Now that I think about it, just wait until a girl shows interest in you and then decide if you have interest in her. By following this rule, I am saving you a whole bunch of time.. Trust me, you can't win.

Well, this is the first post of probably once a month till I find something better to do. I'll try to continue with some good advice whenever I come across it. Think of me as your dating crash test dummy.