All Growed Up

For the very first time in my life I feel like an adult. I probably should have felt this way about 4 years ago when I left for Peru but let's be honest, it's me. I am writing this from Portland where I am currently looking at a dental I hope to get in to. When it hit me. I AM AN ADULT. Maybe it was the tour that got to me and I caught myself thinking, "This is where I will live and go to school for fours years by myself(unless that special someone comes along). And I can do that because Portland is an awesome city with one of the best burger places I've ever eaten at. I do have a list of things that Oregon in general can work on but I will cover that later. I think just being by myself this weekend made me realize this is for real. Pretty much my entire future depends on this. It's not a big deal. Anyway, I loved Portland, some of the best scenery I've ever seen, but as for my complaints, you guessed it my....

LIST OF GRIEVANCES

1. Why do you not want me pumping my own gas?

First, it makes me feel like a man to fill up a gas tank and change my own oil and manly things of that nature, and second it's just dumb. I mistakenly forgot this law as I pulled into a local gas station and jumped out to fill up my tank when the attendant came running over as if someone had just thrown a lit match in my direction. It possibly could have all been in slow motion too. So he took over and to make an already awkward situation even more awkward, I just stood there without saying a word looking at him. Ha ha, I love making people feel awkward. Speaking of laws I accidentally broke this weekend...

2. A 55 MPH SPEED LIMIT?!!!! ON THE FREEWAY?!!!! COME ON Oregon, you used to be cool, what happened to you man?

Yes, I used four exclamation points for each statement, because that's just how upset I am over this whole matter. You crazy freaking liberals. You're not gonna save any more trees by lowering the speed limit and thus reducing those tree murdering emissions. In fact just to show my disapproval, I'm going to go cut down 20 trees for no good reason, one for each mile per hour your speed limit should be and isn't. There ya go. Are you happy now? Innocent trees are dying because of you. I just might go pour some used motor oil all over some baby seals too. What's even more ridiculous is when they catch you doing 75 in a 55. Maybe Officer Felts' wife had just left him or maybe he just found out he had cancer because he was not happy to see me. Cheer up big guy. You can beat this. Unless you have pancreatic cancer then you have about 6 months. Good luck Officer Felts and thanks for being an a hole. You made my trip much more pleasant. Well, that pretty much sums it up for my list of grievances. Portland, you are awesome and I hope to see you in a year.

PS you might want to fire Officer Felts. He's really bringing down your image.
PSS Congratulations on no sales tax. I was quite surprised when my taco meal stayed under three dollars. Keep up the good work.

Another Day of Calculus

I really don't want to go...

She's just not that into you...

... if your name is Jordan. Unfortunately last night I was tricked into watching "He's just not that into you". Upon further inspection, and sadly enough, this movie pretty much sums up my entire dating career. (Right up to the title) The movie is as follows:

Girl goes out on a date with Guy
Guy says he'll call
Guy doesn't
Girl goes crazy/ stalks him, etc. etc.

I am still sticking to my nice guys finish last theory, which states "If you are a girl, you like to be treated like crap" Since this is a dating rule, there will be more on this another time. I don't know why they have this mentality, but they do. I've been trying to figure it out for years and yet I still try to be nice but it never really pays out for me. This movie is proof of that. I didn't really enjoy the movie that much because I am a man and i can't like sissy girl movies that explore our feelings but I did find it odd that they based this movie on my life. I don't even remember giving them permission to do that, those bastards. Shouldn't I be getting a royalty check or something? Well, all this has accomplished is two hours of wasted time and a 93% loss of hope so I am cashing in my chips and going off the market. Don't worry ladies, I will be back and I will treat you like crap on a future date to be announced. (Just not right now)